Skulduggery Pleasant Spoof: Talking to Herself
by ValkyrieCain4Ever
Summary: Sanguine has captured Valkyrie, but something doesn't seem quite right with her. And who is she talking to? Set during Dark Days but Valkyrie knows about Darquesse during it. Will have two chapters!


**This story is a birthday present dedicated to my awesome friend, realtawit, who has their birthday sometime this month. Hope you have an awesome birthday realtawit! :)**

Sanguine grinned happily as he sat down in the fold out chair he had set up in the cave he was supposed to meet the other members of the Revengers' Club in. Since they were still moving into their new base and were still setting up a secure area to hold their newly captured enemy in, the cave would have to do. Valkyrie Cain was tied to a chair a few feet away, unconscious. Suddenly she jerked her head up. She blinked a couple times then began to look around at her surroundings.

After few moments she tugged on her handcuffs, which held her hands behind her back and tied her to the chair. Valkyrie growled then spoke. "I'm not letting you out."

Sanguine cocked his head, confused. Last time he checked, _she _was the one tied to a chair in a cave and_ he_ was the free man awaiting his paycheck.

"You can't make me," Valkyrie continued. She was staring at nothing, like she was lost in thought.

"Make you do what?" Sanguine asked, confused, but she didn't seem to hear him and continued to talk to nothing.

"That wasn't nice."

'Okay, this is getting freaky…..'

"Shut your face."

"I didn't say anything!" Sanguine cried indignantly.

"No, I will not."

Sanguine went quiet and began to watch his captive in silence.

"No, that is _not _fun."

"What's not fun?" The Texan asked nervously.

Once again she ignored him, "For the last time. No."

"No, what?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm no fun and boring, blah blah blah. Shut up already, I'm not letting you out."

"Letting- _you're_ the one tied to a chair!"

"I don't care, I won't let you."

"Let me what?" Sanguine was getting really freaked out now and began to wonder if he had nabbed her on the way to the Funny Farm.

"I'm not talking to you anymore."

"You _weren't _talking to me! At least I think."

"Ah. No, I said I'm not talking to you. Shut up. No, no. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO." She closed her eyes and began to shake her head side to side so hard her hair flopped around.

"Nope."

Silence.

"Still no."

Silence.

"Not even the promise of ice cream will let you out."

Silence.

"No, not even with chocolate chips."

"Um… Little Darlin'," Sanguine began hesitantly. "Who are ya talkin' to?"

"Huh?" Valkyrie looked up at him. "Oh. What?"

"W-who ya talkin' to?"

"The Voice in my head."

Sanguine stared. "The Voice… Riiiiggghhhht." He was seriously creeped out now. "Um… what's it sayin'? Is it talkin' bout' me?"

Valkyrie listened for a moment. "A little."

"What's it sayin'?"

Valkyrie's eyes went wide and glazed over. She looked off over his shoulder. "The Voice is telling me to kill you."

Sanguine stared.

"ERG! SHUT UP ALREADY! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! HATE YOU! I WANT YOU TO CRAWL IN A HOLE AND DIE!"

Sanguine stared for a few moments, too freaked out to say anything.

Valkyrie scowled. "Yeah, that's right. I don't like you."

Silence.

"No. I only let you out on emergencies. And even then I don't want you out. You are so annoying."

Silence.

"No. You're stupid."

Silence.

"Idiot."

Silence.

"Pig."

Silence.

"I swear, if I ever find a way-

Silence.

"Blah, blah, blah. I'm not talking to you anymore."

Finally, Sanguine couldn't take it anymore and he moved over behind Valkyrie. He took out the key to the handcuffs and unlocked them then stepped back quickly. He didn't care about the payment anymore. She was so weird, he didn't know what to do with her anymore and he sure wasn't staying another minute with her.

"See, he let us go. I told you I would get us out of this." Valkyrie rubbed her wrists as she stood up.

Silence.

"Yeah, I suppose you did help….."

"I guess I do owe you…."

"No. I will not let you out."

Silence.

"No."

Silence.

"No."

The argument faded as she walked out of the cave. Sanguine waited a moment then sighed in relief. "Man, she's a freak."


End file.
